10 Days of the Omer. That is 1 Week and 3 Days.

Tiferet of Gevurah
Harmony/Integration/Beauty of Discipline/Justice/Boundaries

Thursday evening and Friday.
Evening May 2 and Day of May 3

They are so intense, those two. Nadav and Abihu. Forever older teens, and these are the sort of teens who are always seeking whatever it is that can’t be touched. They want to feel the most it is possible to feel. They want to think as expansively as it is possible to think. They want to soar with eagles and swim with whales and not only metaphorically. If ever there were two who wanted to live deep and suck the marrow out of life . . . Nadav and Abihu . . . teens experimenting in all the ways that are at best almost dangerous and at worst deadly. I won’t listen to anyone who tries to tell me they were being careless or negligent. I’ve known too many teens to agree that they’d just been casually drinking. Not these two.

Just look at them.
Their skin is like fire.
Elisheva says they even talk to each other in their sleep.
Or maybe, she admits, they are talking with God.
Who knows, I think.    

My feet feel heavy today, walking through the sand of this dry wilderness. I’m so thirsty. Even the bushes around us are parched today. One spark and they’d become a blaze.

“We are ten days into this journey,” Alden Solovy nudges me. Reminds me. He’s a traveling poet, preacher, and teacher sweating through his blue dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, his tie with the red stripes stuffed into a bag somewhere. “The length and weight of the trail can simply crush the will out of an otherwise capable hiker. Then self-judgment finishes them off.” He shrugs. Laughs.  

“Thanks,” I say. “Helpful.” He’s been saying the same thing every year since 2017.
He probably said it before that, too. 

Every day of this journey we are meant to find our heart and soul at a new elevation, but . . . I agree with Alden. Something happens on day 10, the 25th of Nisan. Sinai is still far, far away. Whatever adrenaline we had from Passover and crossing the sea feels far behind us. And this year . . . well . . . this year I can’t be the only one who started Passover exhausted.

“We are in the long slog of the middle,” Alden reminds me. 

I think of A Knight's Tale and Chaucer as played by Paul Bettany trudging down the road explaining, “To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on.”
Admittedly, that’s a little overly dramatic even for me.

“But look,” says Alden, “we’ve arrived at Tiferet she’b’Gevurah, harmony within restraint, the balance inside strength, the compassion that tempers judgment. Exactly the tool we need to continue the journey.”

“I just looked at this week’s Torah portion,” I tell him.
He nods, knowingly. 

Achrei Mot opens with God speaking to Moses after the death of the two sons of Aaron “who died when they drew too close to the presence of Adonai.”
Tell your brother, says God to Moses, not to come so close. 

How did Nadav and Abihu die? Just as you might expect with two like that. They each took their fire pan, put fire in it, laid incense on it, and offered before God ‘strange fire’ that God hadn’t asked for. Fire came forth from God and consumed them. God’s fire spoke to Moses out of an unconsumed bush, but it consumed these two boys.

I look over at Mishael and Elzaphan, Aaron’s cousins, Nadav and Abihu’s first cousins once removed, I guess. They were there that horrible day. They are watching the boys, too. Not talking, just watching. They notice me and we give one another a slight head lift of recognition.

“Alden, you have taught that we are fortified by Tiferet She’b’Gevurah - by the ability to temper our judgment of ourselves, of others, and of the journey itself. The balance inside our strength helping us pace ourselves, you’ve written. Remember the glory of the journey, you’ve said. So often, though, our journey doesn’t even make sense.”

“Go on,” he offers.

“Well,” I say, “Are we walking toward Sinai to be closer to God? God said come close, but not too close. Are we walking toward Sinai to be closer to each other? I don’t even like all of these people. For that matter, I don’t even always like God. Are we walking toward Sinai to be closer to the Torah? Have you read the Torah? I mean, I love reading the Torah. I love our stories. I love our words. And also . . . have you read the Torah?” I know he has. I know he knows what I’m talking about. Two kids, I mean, they may as well have been kids they were so young, who just want to be closer and closer and closer to this . . . Eternal . . . this Divine . . . this Everything . . . get it in their heads to offer something they came up with themselves. I’m sure they thought it would be extra special. I’m sure they thought they’d feel more and know more and see more and be more. They wanted to soar with eagles and swim with whales and instead they burned with fire.

“I know,” he says quietly.

“They knew what they were doing,” I say. “And they had no idea what they were doing. I can explain it, but it will never make sense.”

“I know.”

Nadav and Abihu make a loud whoop! as they run down a long rocky slope. It’s the end of the day. One might think they’d be tired, but of course they’ll be up half the night long after my generation and the ones above me are fast asleep. 

The fire in the sky is slanted. The clouds are aflame with pink and orange. The ground at our feet is dark red. 

It is stunningly beautiful. 

I take one deep breath.
And another.

I press on.   

See you at Sinai.

How to say the blessing:
Choose the language that resonates with you the most.
Non-gendered Hebrew based on grammar system built by Lior Gross and Eyal Rivlin,
available at www.nonbinaryhebrew.com 

Gender Expansive:

הִנְנִי מוּכָנֶה וּמְזֻמֶּנֶה …

Hineni muchaneh um’zumeneh …

Here I am, ready and prepared …

Feminine:

הִנְנִי מוּכָנָה וּמְזֻמֶּנֶת …

Hineni muchanah um’zumenet …

Here I am, ready and prepared …

Masculine:

הִנְנִי מוּכָן וּמְזֻמַן …

Hineni muchan um’zuman …

Here I am, ready and prepared …

All Continue:

… לְקַיֵּם מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה שֶׁל סְפִירַת הָעֹמֶר כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב בַּתּוֹרָה וּסְפַרְתֶּם לָכֶם מִמָּחֳרַת הַשַּׁבָּת
מִיּוֹם הַבִיאֳכֶם אֶת עֹמֶר הַתְּנוּפָה שֶׁבַע שַׁבָּתוֹת תְּמִימוֹת תִּהְיֶנָה. עַד מִמָּחֳרַת הַשַּׁבָּת
הַשְּׁבִיעִית תִּסְפְּרוּ חֲמִשִּׁים יוֹם וְהִקְרַבְתֶם מִנְחָה חֲדָשָה לַיי

… lekayyem mitzvat aseh shel sefirat ha-omer, kemo shekatuv batorah: us’fartem lakhem mimacharat hashabbat, miyom havi’akhem et omer hat’nufah, sheva shabbatot temimot tih’yena, ad mimacharat hashabbat hash’vi’it tis’peru khamishim yom, vehikravtem minkha khadasha l’adonai.

 … to fulfill the mitzvah of counting the Omer, as it is written in the Torah: And you shall count for yourselves from the day after the Shabbat, from the day on which you bring the sheaf of the wave-offering, you shall count seven full weeks. Until the day after the seventh Shabbat, you shall count fifty days, until you bring a new gift to the Eternal.

Gender-Expansive Language for God

בְּרוּכֶה אַתֶּה יי אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ חֵי הָעוֹלָמִים אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשֶׁנוּ בְּמִצַוְּתֶהּ וְצִוֶּנוּ עַל סְפִירַת הָעֹמֶר

Brucheh ateh Adonai, Eloheinu khei ha’olamim, asher kidshenu bemitzvoteh v’tzivenu al sefirat ha’omer. 

Blessed are You, Eternal, Life of all worlds who has made us holy with Their commandments, and commanded us to count the Omer.

Feminine Language for God

בְּרוּכָה אַתְּ יָ-הּ אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ רוּחַ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוְּתָהּ וְצִוָּנוּ עַל סְפִירַת הָעֹמֶר

Bruchah at Yah, ru’akh ha’olam asher kidshanu bemitzvotah v’tzivanu al sefirat ha’omer

Blessed are You, Yah, our God, Spirit of the universe who has made us holy with Her commandments, and commanded us to count the Omer.

Masculine Language for God

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ עַל סְפִירַת הָעֹמֶר

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melekh ha’olam asher kidshanu bemitzvotav v’tzivanu al sefirat ha’omer.

Blessed are You, LORD, our God, ruler of the universe who has made us holy with His commandments, and commanded us to count the Omer.

Count the day and week

Today is the _________ day, which is _________ weeks and _________ days of the Omer.

Today:

הַיּוֹם עֲשָׂרָה יָמִים לָעֹֽמֶר.

שָׁבוּעַ אֶחָד וּשְׁלֹשָׁה יָמִים  לָעוֹמֶר.

Hayom  asarah  yamim la-omer.

Today is ten days of the Omer.
Shavua echad ushloshah yamim laomer
One week and three days of the Omer.
Sefirat HaOmer Blessing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8hCiPI1tMQ